As parents, we all need time to ourselves—time to take care of ourselves so that we can be better parents. Time to read and write so that we nurture our own passions. Time to clean the house so that we can find what we need when we need it. The list of “time for” could go on…..my own list…Your list….of what we need time for in our lives. However, as parents we have the responsibility to take time to parent our children—to teach our children.
What are we teaching our children? When we yell at them, are we really making a difference? When we point our fingers at them and place them in time out, does that change their behavior? I’ve been there. I have a five year old. Yet, I’ve also been in a classroom with 24+ first graders and classes of 30+ high school students. I can tell you that one child at home is much more challenging than a classroom full of children.
I have to stop and think. I have to constantly reevaluate whether my discipline procedures are teaching my five year old how to evaluate, monitor, and adjust her behavior.
Redirecting. This is what I’m focused on right now with my own five year old. If she is vowing for my attention. I listen to her needs. She has a voice too. If I’m working on my computer at home and/or doing chores, I make it clear to her that after I finish….we will _____. And, yes. I am following through with my response to her so that her needs are validated. If she hasn’t allowed me to finish my task, I restate what I have said and/or have her repeat my statement so that she understands why she is still waiting. Additionally, we are using redirecting in other aspects. If she does something incorrectly or wrong based on my “Mommy” viewpoint i.e. leaving her shoes thrown in the doorway or foyer, I request that she comes to me because I need her help. She wants to help. When comes into the kitchen or foyer, I then ask her if her shoes belong in the floor. She either replies and/or quickly puts them neatly where they belong. Periodically, she’ll ask for my help in putting them up. I help her as I see fit and/when my hands are not tied up in making dinner and/or putting groceries away. Teamwork is important because home is a happier place when we work together.
It is easier to give in to a five year old rather than redirecting behavior. However, I have seen a HUGE improvement in her behavior by redirecting her demands and/or issues that have arisen over the course of the day/week. Her behavior at home has improved alongside her behavior out in public.
I won’t always have the opportunity to teach and redirect my child like I do now in the security of our home. Thus, I’ve vowed for less fingerpointing and time-outs. I’ve traded it in for redirecting.
Are you redirecting your child(ren) in order to correct their behavior?
If you are struggling with redirecting your child(ren), look for this resource on Amazon.com: Redirecting Children’s Behavior. It has five star reviews. One review says, “Quite simply it teaches you how to parent in an effective and non-judgemental way so that everyone’s feelings and desires are considered but you still achieve your goals as a parent.”
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